Get real. In a poll of 12,698 HeroinLife readers, 73% shared that despite being clean they still lug around the weight of their heroin addiction. "I still want to use," Julie T. of Chicago told us. "It may not be the popular thing to say, but it's true. I stay clean by being honest about shit like this—I just don't act on it and pick up. Anyone who tells you they don't ever want to use anymore is a liar. Hell for me at times whether the problem is big or small, it's like: Break a fingernail? Fuck, a nice bag would rock right now. Wife having an affair? Fuck, a nice bag would be amazing right now."
George of Dallas, TX, explained, "My addiction is always there and no amount of prayer and meditation will take away the fucked fact that my arm, my veins, want it at times. The key for me? I call someone who is also clean—and I don't pick up one day at a time. Sometimes for me, it's one minute at a time.
"The people who say they're heroin use is in the past may not be lying, but as we all know picking up is only one rig away," said Terrance R., of Baltimore, MD. "I'm clean now four years and I don't use or fantasize about using, but at times lets face it, it's the kind of thing your arms feel and want. You look at your veins and see the possibilities. I'm not religious, but between meditation, meetings, calling other recovering addicts (helping other recovering addicts), and simply not picking up, somehow one day away from heroin turned into ninety days away, then a year, then four years."—N.B.