You're getting so tired of hearing the same things in NA meetings that you've stopped going. Now what?
Q: I used to go to NA meetings daily. I had a sponsor who I called a few times a week and saw for coffee. It's kept me clean for six years, but I'm sick of hearing the same old things over and over, and the gossiping. I've stopped going, but my anxiety level has increased since I left. How do I plug back in?
A: It's happened to all of us: days when you roll your eyes after hearing the same phrases, and reminders, or drugalogs—or gratitude meetings. Many of us have taken breaks from the meetings only to find that after too long away we start to feel isolated and on shaky ground again.
Richard E., from Achorage, AK told HeroinLife, "I sort of felt more mature and settled and stable after ten years in NA. I felt confident that I didn't need the meetings and the coffee gatherings and the service work as much anymore—until I stopped all of it and found myself kind of secretly entertaining whether or not I might be able to handle some weed, or a few drinks, or a hit or two if I just kept it chil this time. It wasn't a giant obsession, but these thoughts began to nag me. My pride made me not want to call anyone from the meetings because this was what everyone had warned me about. My problems compounded the longer I began harbouring this secret. After a month of this I cracked—and picked up the phone and simply called my old sponsor. He didn't judge me or tell me, 'I told you so.' He and I, and NA, just picked up where I had left off. The weird thing is—the longer I stay away from the sometimes annoying daily reminders, the faster I forget that I am an addict. Sometimes I think addiction is a disease of the memory, because it didn't take me all that long to conveniently not remember staring at the ceiling of an ambulance on my way to the psycheward ER after yet another rock bottom moment of losing it on dope in a public place or at home such that the paramedics were called to haul me off."
Katherine W., of St. Cloud, MN said, "I don't know if it's my fried brain cells or just the nature of addiction, but when I get the urge to use after missing a few weeks of NA I literally have to force myself to remember the detoxes and rehabs and middle of the night prayers to a god I only believed in when I was desperate, scared, sick, or broke. The cool part were all the folks who came up to me after I returned to NA who thanked me for sharing that kind of honesty. By the end of my first meeting back, I felt immediately back on the beam."
Jerry A., from Tampa, FL told us, "I went to meetings for awhile, then I stopped and picked up again. I wanted to give it one last shot. I lasted longer than I thought I would. I was functioning. I was so humiliated a year into it though—I was using again just avoid being sick. I'd wait for dealers, find myself in really dangerous neighborhoods, low on cash, and lying to everyone again. These days when I get annoyed at the meetings and the service work I choose to do, I just compare that annoyance to the annoyance of being strung out."
Key Tip: It's easy to forget we are powerless. A clean network can help keep it green, keep you growing, and keep you clean.—N.B.
