Editor's Letter
Photograph of Neal Boulton for HeroinLife.com © Isak Tiner 2010
"I only discovered real freedom after I came clean and admitted—I needed to get clean."—Neal Boulton
"...just how this
shit works...."
"I." The fact that I can even say that still when I tell Pete, "Yeah, I make magazines; done over 30, was always jetting to Milan, LA, Miami, New York; was always flush with bags," wakes me up, wide awake, and reminds me: "I"—am lucky to be out of handcuffs and alive.
But so what. I've been "wide awake" hundreds of times. I was that heroin addict who detoxes then returns to work, "Hey, where you been? Wow, you're looking good," only to start slamming the next day in the men's room; that heroin addict who left rehab (I've been to six) truly repulsed by junk, only to start cooking up again after sitting front row at a Giorgio Armani show in Milan. That heroin addict who after four arrests put his chin and fists up, willing the power to remain clean, only to come to with a palm full of blood and a needle still in my arm—20 minutes before I need to pick up the kids from school.
Yeah, when I hear myself talk to Pete about my life, "I once rode my motorcycle from New York to LA," of course I am kiss-the-sky thankful that I'm alive. But alive wasn't enough. I couldn't stay clean. "I" was engulfed by my own shadow, and in that darkness I'd swear to you I was running towards life, despite the fact that I was gunning my engine towards death.
Then luck, shear and unimaginable, appeared: I started sitting in meetings and those small group therapy circles, satanically hating them, until I began identifying with another addict's story: first Jim's, then Rebecca's, then Nikki's—then Pete's, a grizzled Rambo incarnate. "Find and dump all your hidden rigs, brother," he breathed heavily, catching me on a bad run at 3AM in from of my apartment building. "I can come upstairs and I can help you. Help you not squirrel away that one rig you might just say you need one day if decide to use again."
He talked about a fellowship of peers who could shine a light where once there was darkness, who could do for me what "I" could not do for myself. To me, lame platitudes—until I started seeing that light with my own squinting eyes when he kept coming back around to help. "Brother," he told me, "I help you; I help me. That's just how this shit works." And when my eyes adjusted I saw my truth: what a recovering addict suggests I do about my heroin addiction has more cred than all of those warnings from my doctors, therapists, close friends and family.
I got clean, with no cheats. And I still am—and it's been two years now.
"Yeah, "I" make magazines," I tell Pete when I see him on the corner. "Now I'm going to make one for heroin addicts. Readers will help readers; readers will help themselves, because that's just how this shit works."
Welcome to HeroinLife, the high risk read about living—beyond the needle.
NEAL BOULTON Editor-in-Chief, HeroinLife.com
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There are none. As in, HeroinLife is not affiliated, representing, funded by, or working for—anyone (except Neal Boulton, me, and I, too, am not affiliated with anyone or anything of any kind whatsoever, either).
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We & HIV
Think clean needles & good condoms. Due to HIV, sharing needles (we've all done it) is worse than using itself; add unprotected sex to the mix and you get a nice frothy death cocktail. HeroinLife's advice doesn't stop after detox and it doesn't stop after rehab. So know this: HIV may not show up for three months, which is why we suggest you get tested every three months for the first few months you are clean. As always, if you're still using, we urge you to inquire at your local pharmacy about their clean needle exchange if you're unable to afford or get clean needles. Most pharmacies will work with you and see to it you get clean needles in exhange for your old ones (the trick is to pull the head pharmacist aside, not one of his assistants or cashiers. Be a little bold about it). Bottom line? Avoid unprotected sex and dirty rigs at all costs—at any cost. Finally, see our ads for Bare condoms by Durex—you won't find a better one—so go for it and use them (trust me).—Neal Boulton
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Photograph of Neal Boulton by Isak Tiner
